backwards

Though I feel like writing, I cant think of anything significant or worthwhile to write. Hay…

Of course, again, I am longing to travel somewhere. I am forever itching to go somewhere… The last travel I did was two weeks ago, when my bro and I went to Aurora. Sige na gani, I’ll write about it na lang.

Two days before I went to Aurora, I didnt even know that my leave has been approved until at past 3pm. So by then, I was fussing over whether I should push ahead with the leave or not. I asked ate G if I could move my leave but she said everything has already been set. So I was left with no choice but just stay in Aurora for a night.

It was supposed to be a solitary trip but everyone at home, especially Papa, wouldn’t let me travel to Aurora alone. Even if I begged… I was even thinking of leaving the house quietly at 2am just to go ahead with it. Thank God, my auntie made a wonderful suggestion - bring along my youngest brother.

At 330am, we were heading to the Genesis bus terminal near the MRT Taft station. Fare costs about PHP 340 but I only paid over PHP 250 ata for my bro - student discount. It was a long trip - almost over 8 hours but my brother didn’t  complain even once. The whole time I was either asleep or reading.

We arrived in Baler at almost 1pm… then took a trike to take us to Bay’s Inn at Brgy. Sabang. After leaving our things in the room - a non-aircon good for two with own T&B only for PHP 350/night, we ate our late lunch at the resto because I promised my bro a filling lunch. Yun lng hiningi - dapat masarap ang pagkain. Afterwards, we walked by the beach. I just took some pictures (which weren’t good because I didnt have any good camera, next time, next time), marveled at the sight, and watched my brother chased the surf and met head-on the waves. By past 3pm, my brother already asked me to go back to our room and get some rest even if I still want to walk some more. Naawa naman ako sa kanya kasi nilalamig un and matatakutin un (takot mag-isa, hehe, binisto), so I just went back to the room.

I was supposed to wait for the sunset but we overslept… we woke up at almost 6pm na. Since it was kris kringle day when I was on leave, I just promised to leave my gift beforehand and email my baby (who happened to be ate Riza) on the day of exchange gifts. Good thing, there’s Internet service there… I was able to email ate Riza. After the email, we ate dinner sa hilera ng mga turo-turo harap ng hospital. Pagkatapos ng dinner, bumalik ng Bay’s Inn. Naglakad-lakad ulit sa tabing dagat, nagsulat sa buhangin, stargazing… tapos kumain ulit. Bro ko lang, actually, ang kumain… ako uminom lng ng milo. Ang bait naman ng bro ko naghahanap ng gatas.

Nagulat ate ko nang nagtext ako at past 9pm to tell her na matutulog na kami at 8am kami aalis ng baler. Record nga un kasi my normal sleeping time is 2am.

Early in the morning, mga quarter to 5am, gising na ako kasi balak ko talaga abangan ung sunrise. Lumabas ng kwarto at naglakad malapit sa tabing dagat mag-isa… isa lang ang masasabi ko - ang ganda ng kalawakan pag stars at moon lang ang nakikita mo habang pinapakinggan ang paghampas ng alon (o di ba, nagiging poetic tuloy). Bumalik ako sa kwarto para kunin ang discman, notebook, at ballpen, pati na rin ang kamera, baka sakali mainspire ako magsulat. Maya-maya, nagising na rin kapatid ko at sinamahan ako sa paghintay ng pagsikat ng araw. Kung maipipinta ko lang gamit ang salita at pangungusap para mailarawan kung gaano kaganda ang akin nasisilayan sa araw na iyon, gagawin ko pero wala akong talent para sa ganyan. Iba ang feeling habang pinagmamasdan ang horizon sabay nakikinig sa coldplay… mas lalo kong naappreciate si Chris Martin at ang mga kabanda nya. Nakakaalis ng pagod panoorin ang isang pamilya naglalakad sa dalampasigan, ang mga kabataan na nagjojogging. Maya-maya rin ay nagjogging din ako sa may tabi ng dagat habang pinili ng kapatid ko na maglakad lang. Sana araw-araw ganun ang buhay ko, tumatakbo sa may tabing dagat… nakikinig sa gusto kong music.

Nag-almusal muna kami bago lumisan pabalik ng Manila… medyo nalungkot ako sa pagpaalam sa alon, sa dagat, sa buhangin… Alam ko babalik ako doon isang araw, di ko pa naexplore ang lugar. Sa susunod, sa susunod.

Sa pagtatapos ng taong 2005, masaya naman ako at marami din akong napuntahan… Nagsimula sa Cebu at Malapascua Island nung February 11-13, sinundan ng Zambales nung March 20, sa Munting Buhangin, Batangas nung April 4, sa Puerto Galera nung May 29, sa Mt. Manabo nung August, at nagtapos sa Aurora nung December 6 to 7. Sana sa darating na taon mas marami pang marating na lugar, maraming pang kwento tungkol sa mga adventures ang aking maibahagi. I sound like i am doing a spiel for year-ender show. LOL.

Just felt like typing away… Merry Christmas to everyone, by the way. 

Ive been wanting to do some travelogue but I am just not up to it… I wish next year, I’ll be able to travel to a few dream destination.

Maybe I should write some other time… everyone’s asleep here now and I remember what my little sis told me a while ago. Hay, I easily get creeped out.

Merry Christmas to everyone again… ang lamig na talaga. I like the weather.

currently listening to All-American Rejects… fuelling the emotional whatevers that sometime plague. Hay, as much as I want to sing along with AAR outloud, I cant because I am still at the office. Yes, I am still slaving away in front of the PC… ahuhuhu… Back to AAR, that explains my current shoutout. That one is from Why Worry! Sarap kantahin pag inis ka… pag pagod ka tulad ko ngaun…

I don’t know
But you did but you did but you did
Please don’t go
Now my feelings for you they’re now lost
’cause we’re through anymore
I’ll write you , I’ll call you
Now

(being lost being with her)
(being lost being with her)
(being lost) forget about it

I (hiiiiiiiiii) can’t move on, I can’t take it
She (heeeee), she says we won’t ma-a-ake it now
I (hiiiiiiiiii)can’t move on, I can’t take it
She (heeeee), she says we won’t ma-a-ake it now

Hay, cant wait to go home… kaya lang, when I reach home I cant do my “concert” hehee… Tulog na sila eh.

As expected, I got Sandwich’s Thanks to the moon’s gravitational pull CD from my kris kringle parent. Yey! My favorite from the CD is “Homerun” aside from, of course, Masilungan. I still have to get a hang on other songs… (I am just in my third replay of the CD right now) Not This Time could be my next favorite.

I also got a CD from dear Fifi… She does know my music preferences these days as she gifted me a double CD E-heads anthology. Speaking of eheads, a blog said BMG is going to release an eheads collection set complete with memorabilia from the now-defunct band. That’s nice… will it include the one that Jam produced? (my parent got the electromagneticjam CD, btw)

anyway, i am quite into local bands lately… and I am setting my sights on buying Urbandub’s (UB) Influence and Embrace and Daydream Cycle’s Underwater Kites. (I gave the Embrace album to my kris kringle baby) Speaking of UB, I saw them live again last week with my brother and our kababata at 6UG. I am getting a hang on some of their new songs, especially First of Summer. Sulit talaga manood ng gig ng UB kasi one set includes a handful of new songs and their hits… and the audiences are really fuelled. This time, they sang their cover of Sade’s No Ordinary Love… but did not perform Sailing, a personal favorite reminds of 311’s All Mixed Up.

As an end note, I am finally done with Vikram Seth’s “An Equal Music.” Good read… hmm, I like his style, the way he ended the story. Gusto ko kasi ung mga tipong medyo hanging, pero di naman masyadong hanging… ung tipong ikaw ung maggigive ng conclusion. Perhaps the ending appealed to me because it adhered to what I believe in.

It will be a while, I guess, before I could pick another book and read… These remaining weeks of December will be toxic for me, work-wise. Most definitely, next in line is Laura Esquivel’s Swift As Desire.

Mark Santillan, kasalanan mo to… wah! I am so overwhelmed with this string quartet tribute to several rock artists. Di ba I am so in love with anything na may violin. And Mark, my classmate for two sems in PNU, introduced me to this string quartet music remakes of Coldplay, Dashboard Confessional, etc. on Saturday during our xmas party. Pinarinig nya pa ung mga naDL nya kaya nainggit ako…

So here I am staying awake to download music… this will likely earn me a word or two from my father for taking up so much memory space. I am so overwhelmed with the lists… They have a string quartet version on 311’s amber!!! Woweee And double wow for weezer and U2, rhcp, even tool shucks basta maoverwhelm k talaga… classical with a twist of alternative music, naku, di ako makatulog nito… Mark, talagang kasalanan mo to… hehehe Actually salamat, mark!!! Kahit nakalimutan mo ung birthday ko ung latest recommendation mo nagpasaya sakin sobra…

Tumatayo balahibo ko pagrinig ng Scar Tissue string quartet version… wah, naiiyak ako sa tuwa!

So I wait and I wait
And I run myself in the same old circles
I sit and I stare
And I run old scenes through my tired head

- Best I’ll Ever Be, Sister Hazel

This song stirs me… I hope I could watch Just Like Heaven tomorrow. Tomorrow will be the X-mas party with my PNU classmates and I still have not bought a gift for the exchange gift part.

I am almost done with Vikram Seth’s "An Equal Music" and though the story’s engaging, I cant help but feel disappointed at Julia’s choices. I once wrote an article about clandestine affairs for our school paper back in college and as an end note I said something like whether love can justify an immoral action. There it goes again… Love.

i have stopped asking, figuring the why’s, how’s, and what’s that possibly make up love. it is a futile effort. I know i would not discover any universal answer if i went on asking. So, i stopped. Love is just love. You feel it without really exacting reasons why you feel it for a certain person. All cliches pertaining to it are right in one way or the other and therefore arguing whether one’s cliche on it is wrong or not, valid or not is just a waste of time… waste of brain cells and saliva… or energy. Let love be… just allow it to grow in your heart, mind, or soul… or wherever you want it to grow. love is everywhere… to a certain degree and level. So there… there, I wouldn’t allow myself to ask another question that runs like why you do this or that for love… something like that.

- last year’s musings

why cant i view my blog? It’s annoying me already.

Anyway, I just got back from a long trip… How lovely it is to wait for the sunrise while singing along to coldplay… How nice it is to jog by the beach at the break of the dawn while singing with the cranberries… I wish i could stay there longer… People may think that it’s unreasonable for me to travel so far just to be there…

I fell in love with the place… maybe someday I’ll go back there. I just love standing by the shore, listening to the waves as if they are talking to me. I love watching the stars slowly disappear making way for the sun. It’s so lovely out there… We are lucky to have so many wonderful places to go to when one needs a change of atmosphere… when one needs to take his mind off something.

I thought we’d walk these streets together
Now i’m hoping that I’ll never have to meet you
Step aside from all this anger

- Ghost, Howie Day

Shifting from the Rock Holiday station over launchcast to The Coffeehouse and I get these heartwrenching songs from Sarah McLachlan’s Possession, Howie Day’s Ghost, and now… Dido’s Here With Me.

Maybe I should stick with the Rock Holiday station and feel a little Christmasy?

Oh well, maybe a few days off will make a difference… I wonder….

and now I remember that Foo Fighter song - Everlong. It just some incoherent thought… Incoherence… That’s me.

wala lang… Feel ko lang magsulat wala naman akong maisusulat na matino. Di pa rin ako dinadalaw ng antok… eh magtataka pa ba ako, alas singko ng hapon na kaya ako nagising. that’s half of my day going down the drain…

naadik na ata kapatid ko sa urbandub…. paulit-ulit ba naman pinapatugtog ung soul searching at a new tattoo… wawa naman ako.

ha, nanood ako kanina ng gilmore girls… ang sad naman… sabi ko music at movies lang ang isusulat ko dito. Ill keep my promise…

Tama ba naman un, pati kanta ng Beatles na In My Life… malulungkot ako. abnormal ata ako ngaun.

It’s been a long while since I listened to my CD#18… this one includes Aimee Mann, Jeff Buckley, and a track from Cruel Intentions.

My only fault, I threw in some Gregorian Chant tracks… which sounded awkward after listening to Edwin McCain’s "I’ll Be."

But overall, this one has a good playlist… I miss listening to Buckley’s Last Goodbye… and Aimee Mann’s One. I guess, I have to relisten to the ripped CDs at home again.

Anyway, I guess i have no choice but to put off whatever Ive planned. It would have been my "pampalubag loob" plan but since the fates seem to go against my will… then okay, I just have to accept it. Maybe this isn’t the right time for it (I am quite fatalistic).

I seem to be jumping from one book to another… Since I left the Seth book I am currently reading at the office, I ended up reading Esquivel’s Swift as Desire to induce sleep. It has captivated me that I almost wanted to finish it but I have to stop reading because I won’t be able to get up early later. (still, I ended up not getting up early and failed to come to an appointment on time) Bakit ganun, may mga tao na nagsusulat ng mga magagandang kwento? Parang lahat nagfoflow lng…