backwards

Di ko alam exactly kung anong isusulat ko kasi naman I am just killing time. Uuwi na si Fifi, si Jolan… busy pa din ata si Myan… kaya wala nang makausap sa YM. Hehe…

Ah eto na lng, I am glad that whatever rough times my sisters faced have already eased out. Ges was so worried about her job… Every where you go, there will always be people who are not happy seeing someone succeed. Andyan sila para hihilahin ka pababa and if you are not strong enough, matatalo ka against these no-good people. The best you can do is ignore them, focus on your work, and pray… saka be civil lang. I believe karma always comes back to you… so babalik din sa kanila yung kasamaan nila.

One of the best lessons Ive learned is to maintain good relationships with people from all walks of life. Treat everyone nicely. (well unless a person provokes you to be not nice… hehe) Saan ko nga nabasa or napanood ung about this. Nakalimutan ko na.

I am just compelled to write as I watch the EDSA I documentary aired by ABS-CBN right now.

I was only 5 years old when the revolution happened…  I was oblivious of how people fought side by side to end Marcos’ reign as we were far from where everything happened… In Calinog, NASUREFCO staff compound, life was normal. I didnt hear my parents express any strong opinion about what had been happening at that time. I guess, for my father, work had to go on at the sugar refinery controlled by a Marcos crony.

Mas naalala ko pa siguro ung nangyari coup nung 1989, i thought the world was so chaotic at that time. For someone who’s just 9 years old then, I thought guguho na ang mundo. Hehehehe

Anyway, habang nanonood ako sa docu, mas napahanga ako sa mga ordinaryong tao who sacrificed a lot para sa kinabukasan ng bayan. If you are watching the docu, makikita mo ung mga iba na may matataas na posisyon at opisyal during that time had their own agenda for going against Marcos. Hanggang ngaun marami pa ring ganyan.

To end this, marami din pala ang nag-eecho ng sentiments ko… tama nga masyado nang pinupulitika ang lahat. Hopefully eto na ang last na comment ko sa EDSA.

Btw, may bago akong nadiskubre, ang bandang Bitterpill. Dunk music, may twist ng trip hop… basta ang ganda, danceable ang mga kanta nila. Basta ung naalala ko na kanta nila ung Tyope…

Ang isang band member reminds me of Myan, who only has a band and plays the bass. Magkahawig kasi sila ng mukha ni Myan…

At finally, marunong na ako pumunta ng Saguijo nang mag-isa. Yey! Nakakalito pero nafigure out ko na rin

sabi nga ni rizzalyn, siguro bored na bored ako lagi kasi lagi na lng may bago sa friendster ko. hahahahaha….

Dati naman di ko to pinapansin to, nahawa lng ako kay myan na seatmate ko dati. Araw-araw, pag wala nang ginagawa or antok na sya, nagtatake a break sya by checking her friendster account. sige ako din, tutal wala na akong ginagawa hanggang sa nagiging habit ko na araw-araw pag-idle na ako… magpost2 ng mga survey, magupdate ng blog, maglagay ng picture… etc… Kahit hindi na idle, kahit dapat matulog na ako, magfifriendster pa rin. Symptoms of being an addict na ba ito? hehe

May bagong album pala ang Sandwich. Nakita ko sila tumutugtog ng bagong kanta nila sa groupee TV… O di ba nanonood na ako ng mga ganyang shows… hehe… parang dunk na din ang tugtog nila. Di ko na maalala ung title ng album, basta may floor at five na words.

Napanood ko na ung Memoirs (as if may nagcacare kung ano pinanood ko hehe)… Maraming binago sa story… Sympre iba pa rin ang libro… kaya lang maganda din sya panoorin kasi mas ma"feel" (wala na akong maisip na word, sensya na) mo ung love story nina Sayuri at ng Chairman. May darating talaga na tao sa buhay mo na magbibigay ng hope at meaning sa buhay mo…. ito ang ipinakita ng movie.

Ang cute naman ng kapatid ko, sabi ba naman sa akin… interesado akong panoorin kasi napanood sya ng crush ko. Ayaw pa sanang sumama pero nang sinabi ni Mama na Memoirs, sumama na rin. Kung anu-ano na pinagkukuwento ko.

Things are quite normal here in our office although we are just near where the action is happening. I really dont know if it’s chaotic now in Ayala Ave. I still cant hear any helicopters hovering around the area like years ago when Magdalo mutiny happened at Oakwood. (edited 416pm, helicopters are heard flying over Makati by now…re-edited at 744pm, Ayala Ave is virtually unpassable, police troops have been deployed to disperse rallyists)

Anyway, the national state of emergency, the rallies, and the arrest of Inquirer columnist Randy David seem surreal for me… like they are happening on the other side of the world. I dont know if I have grown too indifferent about these kind of things. That reminded me, last year, miko and I were talking about the Independence day celeb… basta parang naghahanap ata sya ng fireworks display to mark the occasion… and I think I said, i dont really care. It’s sad that I find myself saying that - I really dont care.

So with everything happening right now, do I still feel the same indifference?

During my last year in college, EDSA II happened… and that stirred me to do my part as a citizen of this country. I believed in EDSA II’s cause, I believed that things will be better once Erap will be ousted and a leader with a vision is installed… I believed that from that demonstrations, our country will finally go somewhere. Unfortunately, it still went nowhere as after we put on a united front, people especially those who are power-hungry and selfish just move to promote their own causes. I dont mean the government officials per se, most of us are selfish too because we dont do anything to contribute to the development of our country. We cant even follow simple rules and regulations. (even I is guilty of such actions, tsk tsk) We love to put the blame entirely on the government… and if we are discontented, we think of holding mass rallies that people power is abused to death.

I dont have any suggestion, much more say anything brilliant or enlightening… I am just saddened to see what has become of us… all of us… most of all to what I have become, indifferent to the significance of EDSA and Independence Day… and everything that is happening right now.

i just finished reading Robert James Waller’s Slow Waltz in Cedar Bend. On a scale of 1-10, I only give it a six.

The novel started off well… It had my attention until I reached to the middle part. It had me wishing to visit India as the book portrayed it as a land filled with exotic places and mysticism.

However, the latter part of the story already bored me. I just went on reading it for the sake of finishing it. Waller’s Bridges is still the best.

A co-worker told me Memoirs of a Geisha is already shown at theaters. Ive seen stills from the movie, and IMO, Gong Li who plays the antagonist Hatsumomo is more beautiful than Zhang Ziyi who plays Sayuri. But that’s not an important thing. Anyway, the book, written by Arthur Golden, is a good and interesting read. It will transport you to the world of geishas and Japan before WW II. My favorite character from the book is not Sayuri but Nobu.

Good movies are abound this week and the coming weeks. Brokeback Mountain is also showing and Pride and Prejudice is lined up next week. V for Vendetta (did I get the title right) is also coming soon… I think Aeon Flux is on. The latter, I used to catch it on MTV. A brutal cartoon, not really suitable for a high schooler then, but I still watched it because… I dont know why I watched it. I just watched it… along with other Liquid TV shows on MTV before. I really want to see Pride and Prejudice… Ive read the book. (It’s best to read the book before watching the movie version… kasi maraming parts na dinodrop or iniiba once it is turned into a movie) The book is a challenge because pagdating sa gitna, aantukin ka… mabobore ka… Old English pa pati. Pero worth it, masaya na nung after sa gitna (na pasakalye lng naman).

Spongecola… Though Ive complained how their song titles seem irrelevant with what the song really is, I still like them. I dug their CD after seeing the MTV of “Una,” which is my favorite, last night. Spongecola is my current listen.

And my newest favorite lines - Natutuyo at nawawala Naglalaho rin pala

Those lines are from KLSP.

The songs to check out from their CD (aside from the ones that enjoyed constant airplays before) - neon, on the floor, and jillian.

Finally, i find myself watching PBB Celebrity Edition, natutuwa ako panoorin si Keanna at pakinggan magsalita si Christian Vasquez, who never lost his Ilonggo accent. Eto ung mga konting quotable quotes ni Keanna (galing sa co-worker ko)

Keanna ay nagpa-fashion show sa harap ng mga housemates habang nagpo-pose:

Keanna - “Dapat pala ay mag-pouch ako”
Housemates - “Pout, hindi pouch( tapos halakhakan)”
Keanna - “Eh ano yung pouch, past tense”

RULE: Bawal galawin ang furnitures (sic) ng wala akong pahintulot
Keanna: edi bawal pala gamitin yung rocking chair? kasi gagalaw yun

ZANJOE: Yung kapatid ko ZANDRO…
KEANNA: Lahat kayo start sa ‘S’??

May hidden pala tong si Keanna, komedyante pala sya.

this is my current like from Imago - Bihag

Tanggapin,
Pikit matang umamin sa akin
Handa ka ng umalis
Walang pipigil
Walang hahadlang
Sa mainam mong hiling

Hanggang dito na lang
(sa muling pagbagtas)
Handa kang sumuko
Sa unang pagbitiw
Matutunan ko sana
(ang muling pag-angkas)
Lumayo sa huling sandali

Brilliantly penned… hanga ako sa mga manunulat ng mga ganitong kanta, sa mga nagsusulat ng tula. Konti lang ang makapagcapture ng emosyon at ideya ng tao sa ganitong paraan.

Hindi talaga ako marunong magsulat ng tula, nung college I tried at the prodding of Jen. Jen is the poet while I would like to think that I am for short story writing. Her prodding did lead to poetry-writing attempts and one of which sort of won the approval of a Hiligaynon writer. i guess that would be the only time my attempts could be considered close to poetry.

Rosary, too, has a talent to wield a good poem in Hiligaynon and Tagalog. However, since we left college, she no longer writes one. I dont know about Jen, though. Me, i just find myself writing paragraphs that looked like poems… i guess, that’s what you call verses… once in a while. Most of the time, I rely on the poetry made by music and musicians to articulate my emotions… etc.

Ang sipag-sipag ko magupdate ng blog…

Once again, assorted thoughts are swarming inside my head. Quarterlife crisis ongoing… yan lang ang masasabi ko.

Days before I officially turned 25 last year, I was acting weird and all. Suddenly I have to face my fears (face lng not necessarily conquer it once and for all). I may be a picture of a steady and strong person armed with a lot of optimism and positive thoughts but the truth is I am one big chicken (little?) s____. Most of the time, nauunahan ako ng takot kaya i ditch my initial plans… and choose to delay it. Hanggang I end up blaming myself.

At the start of the year, I declared to embrace all my fears. Kung tatalon, o sya, sige tatalon ako. Nevertheless, the declaration was not enough to kill my fears. Slowly though, I would like to think I am coming to terms with it and making progress in conquering those fears.

Dati sabi ko iibahin ko tong blog ko, hindi ito tulad ng iba kong ginawa… dapat tungkol lng sa mga trivial stuffs na di senti, hindi depressing, hindi makapagdamdamin…. hindi madrama. Kaya lang di ko mapigilan magsulat ng kung anuman ung talagang iniisip ko. arggh… Di bale, hanggang dyan lang sasabihin ko… walang masyadong madrama. Madrama na buhay natin wag ko nang dagdagan ng pathetic kadramahan ko. hehehe…

So nway anong point ng entry na to… Ang point, ang dami ko namang iniisip… once for all sana mag-alsa-balutan na tong mga “fears” at iwan na ako.

At sympre tatapusin ko to ng may kanta… (kakantahan ko ang fears para marindi sila sa akin at kusang aalis, haha, i wish)

She Says ni Howie Day

And that’s why I’m wondering
Why you had to tell me
What’s going on in your head
What’s wrong
Come around to another time
When you don’t have to run

yesterday, i said ive rediscovered Imago…

Currently lined up in my winamp are the following Imago songs:

1) butterfly
2) akap - this is my favorite.

Nagtatanong
Bakit mahirap
Sumabay sa agos
Ng iyong mundo

Nagtataka
Simple lang naman sana
Ang buhay
Kung ika’y matino

3) Idlip

In the arms of make-believe
Sleep will set you free
In the arms of make-believe
In the arms that let me be

4) Tugon

5) Laya

6) Hiwaga

7) Anino
Bihag

9) Taning

10) Alay

11) Soft Return

Easy listening, takes you somewhere peaceful. makes you wish that you are somewhere away from this busy life.

Highly recommended: Yahoo Launchcast The Coffeehouse Station.

PSA (kuno abi): Pedicab, Itchyworms, Updharma Down will play at SaGuijo on February 24. Wish I could go… Sana di loaded ang Biyernes.

magkukuwento na nga lang… nag-uubos ng oras

After reading “Bridges of Madison County,” I got interested in Robert James Waller’s other works. On Friday, I bought his “Slow Waltz In Cedar Bend” (parang mali ata ung title na sinulat ko). Biyernes, naghahalungkat ng mga second-hand books sa glorietta with Rosary… nagbabaka-sakaling may makitang ‘good’ buy. True enough, marami nga. Isa na nga dun ung kay waller na novel. Nasimulan ko na sya kahapon… at nanotice ko lang iisang tema ang gusto ni Wames - ung tipong pursuing the one who got away. At ang mga characters ng stories nya lagi mga way beyond 40 years old… at ung lalaki lagi mahilig magtravel… parang free-spirited.

Lima din ang nabili ko nung Biyernes… Judy Blume’s Summer Sisters, John Updike’s collection of short stories, Spring Moon ni Bette Bao Lord (hay limutan ko na name nya, pero meron eto dati sa bahay), at Reading for Young Children…

Ang nairekomenda ko kay Rosary, apat… gusto ko nga ung isa na binigay ko sa kanya - ung kay Hijuelos, nagsulat ng Pulitzer Prize-winning Song of Mambo Kings. Yung iba See Jane Run ni Joy Fielding, nabasa ko to minsan during one of my boat trips going home from Iloilo, maganda to… mystery genre. Yung isa ung Bridges - sobrang recommended ko to na libro… tulad ng Casablanca na movie, dito ipinapakita ang tunay na pag-ibig ay hindi madamot. (Teka bat palaging may about sa love ako ngaun, ano to post-valentine trauma… drama?)

Anyway, narediscover ko ang musika ng Imago… saka namimiss ko manood ng gigs. Lately, kahit gusto ko man, wala akong oras… sayang talaga kasi kahapon Urbandub, eh miss ko pa naman kumanta ng walang pakialam kaya lang pagod na talaga ako… wala pang sapat na tulog dahil the other day, lumabas din with rosary, pao, at rizzalyn.

Ay ewan pilit magtagalog… indi na gani.

At this very moment, listening for the nth time to Imogen Heap’s Goodnight and Go… alternate yan, Goodnight and Go tapos Hide and Seek.

IMOGEN HEAP click mo to para mapakinggan mo.

Malungkot ang Hide and Seek… Masaya at Cute ang Goodnight and Go.

Goodnight and Go excerpt lyrics:

Skipping beats, blushing cheeks I am struggling
Daydreaming, bed scenes in the corner cafe
And then i’m left in bits recovering tectonic tremblings
You get me every time

Why d’ya have to be so cute?
It’s impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It’s bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go

Hide and Seek excerpt: (gusto ko na stanza, poetic ang dating)

Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.
Speak no feeling, no I dont believe you.
You don’t care a bit. You don’t care a bit.

The latter reminds me of those high school and college crushes… The former reminds me of how much we love to play mind games, stupid games thinking that surviving or being in it prove something. Next time, lay everything down… iisa lng naman ang sagot sa mga tanong na answerable by yes or no - YES lang at NO. Hindi valid ang maybe, siguro… perhaps… tignan natin… Ano un, experiment?

Pero teka naiisip ko lang kung minsan di ka kuntento sa sagot na oo at hindi, magdedemand ka pa ng explanation. Parang ung sa essay exams, Are you in favor of death penalty? Why?

Parang ganito un: (sori… ito ang naiisip ko na example) Magtatanong ang babae kung mahal ba sya ng lalaki? Ang sagot ng lalaki either oo or hindi… Pero ung babae, ipapaexplain pa sa lalaki bakit mahal sya ng latter or bakit hindi sya mahal nito… Ay pasensya na, nabobother lng ako na sa lahat ng magiging problema ng tao - ang pag-ibig ang sya makapagprovoke sa isang tao na maging irrational, impractical, etc… nawawala ang kanyang problem-solving skills.