backwards

I miss our weekly jogging at UP diliman. Last year, I made it a point to sleep over at Jen and Rosary’s former apartment in Kamuning, usually my sleepover days fell on Thursday and we go on jogging first thing in the morning the next day. After the jog, we usually eat breakfast at McDo Philcoa.

Summer reminds me of lots of things. From childhood days spent with my cousins in Iloilo City to punishing myself juggling with work and classes last year. Sometimes I do things that worn myself to the extreme… It’s like I am proving something to no one. It’s like I am showing no one - Look, I can do this and that…

Right now though, I am in a lull state. This has been going on for months… I am considering a lot of things like taking up a new hobby. Rizzalyn and Paolo recently brought up the idea of playing badminton. I welcome that one… thing is they asked me to look around for a court where we can play… I am just not up to scouting badminton courts for now, actually. Maybe I’ll get around it in the days to come.

I am becoming to live a life of a “normal” person (normal in the sense that just like most of Filipinos, I rush home to watch TV and catch Kim SS and Jewel or any other TV series for that matter). I was so happy to take a bus with a TV and lucky I was as it is tuned in at 7… I was able to watch Kim SS. The other day, i intentionally took the aircon bus to Imus because I know it has a TV and most of the time it is tuned in at 7. So I only missed one episode this week, record… well, make it two because later I have to miss it… I wouldnt want to because tonight Cyrus will finally admit that he also likes Kim SS. Haha, I am such a sucker for this kind of stories.

I couldnt get over today’s incident wherein the bus conductor caught me watching Doraemon with close attention that he told me, “fan ka pala ni Doraemon.” That cracked me up… It’s just that I rather watch the show than find myself ranting over the fact that I am late for work. I am not a fan of Doraemon, though I watch it now and then with my nephew…

Here’s another incident I find amusing… I was eating breakfast when Mama asked my youngest bro, Gene Mark, for the nth time about his grad practice and clearance I think. Apparently, Gene Mark was not happy with Mama’s constant reminder and suddenly said, “Easy ka lang.” Mama was surprised… and I was amused at my brother’s response. Though Mama didnt get mad or what, I am sure she found it amusing to hear Gene Mark saying that phrase. It was kind of unusual for him to say that in a cool manner… not in an irate tone.

Lastly, Oh great! Cebu Pacific is offering PHP 1++ airfare promo. But the catch is hanggang sunday lang ang pagpurchase ng ticket… harghh… I wanted to avail of the promo, contemplating to travel to Davao, CDO, or Dumaguete… but of course, m not exactly rich and i am even facing deficits. Hay… kelan kaya ako mananalo sa lotto!? (ang tanong, tumataya ba ako? hindi naman… so di talaga ako mananalo… hehe)

Ive discovered this radio feature in friendster… It’s like having a Yahoo Launchcast with your account. However, this one entails a lot of hassles.  and you can only share it if you email the link to your friends. I wish they would just give the owner an option that allows visitors to access the radio station through a direct link from one’s profile.

Recently, exhaustion has been eating me alive.  I dont know I easily feel tired nowadays. On Sunday, as soon as I got home and finished dinner, I just fell asleep without changing clothes and taking off my contact lens. I know thats pretty scary and "eww" but I guess my system just bogged down that I was knocked out as soon as I laid down on bed. Mama has been scolding me about not taking vitamins (har, I had have enough of it since I was a little kid…) after I complained how I feel so tired and falling ill… more of feeling faint.

On Saturday, our youngest bro is graduating from high school… and Mama asked me to come to the ceremony. Of course, I will. With Gene Mark graduating and Paolo finishing his college degree by October… I hope things will look up.

I hope V for Vendetta is still showing by Friday… because I want to see it. I really miss watching a movie.

My current guilty pleasure is watching "My Name is Kim Sam-Soon" and "Jewel in the Palace." I was influenced by Fifi to watch the latter. Funny, I can sacrifice Lost for Kim Sam-soon, which I find funny and real. The last episode I caught (which was Monday) was about Kim SS dealing with Cyrus and this other man i forgot his name. Hay men can be a pain in the neck… and heart. Yet you still waste time dealing with them.

We have already transferred in a new office. Yesterday was the moving-out day… and I had many bloopers. I was quite ditzy yesterday, blame it on the headache and sniffles I am having these days.

Anyway, the new office reminded me of college days because it was painted blue. Back in college, the university paper’s office was also painted blue… That office witnessed many memorable moments - mini-concerts with bb ro, rhea joy, rosary, and jen, sometimes with troy and mark g., the meetings that were never serious because of cedrico (hmm, i wonder how’s he doing now…), jen’s bday when bb ro, rhea joy, and I sneaked in gin and island lime (with me worrying if we get caught), the manicure sessions, and ng rhea p.’s phone antics - the funniest was when she pretended to be from PLDT, she would tell the person at the other line that PLDT would like to test whether their line’s okay now and would ask him/her to blow… sometimes she would tell the receiver this - “pwede ka kahuyop todo kay daw indi ko pa mabatian.” That prank elicited a round of tummy-aching laughs.

So anyway… I didnt stay after leaving my stuffs last night at the office and headed straight home. When I got home, I was met by a surprise - Joaqui had a haircut, now he’s sporting a semi-bald look… He looks like an egg. hehehe… To entertain myself, I took it upon myself to teach Joaqui how to distinguish colors. My nephew is so stubborn… He wouldnt follow what I would tell him to do… If ever I asked him to give me the blue blocks, he would answer - Ayaw ko (which he pronounces eyaw). Hay, kids can be stubborn. Stubborn like me… hehehe

may natutunan ako sa ice nung isang gabi na natulog ako sa apartment nina jen.

mga alas tres na ng umaga nun at ginutom kaming dalawa ni jen, kaya nagpasya kaming kumain ng maagang-maaga na almusal - corned beef.

Inutusan (lambing actually) ako ni jen na kumuha ng yelo para sa kanya… Ayun, kinuha ko ung ice tray sa ref at nagsimula magstruggle nang maiwasan mahulog ung mga ice sa sink. Pinipilit kong alisin sa ice tray ang mga yelo pero ayaw… I turned it upside down without tapping it or what at ayun nahuhulog ng kusa ang mga yelo. Ang realisasyon, may mga bagay na di mo dapat pinipilit at ito’y kusang nangyayari lamang.

(i think this was written around June 2005… )

Music finds:

Michael Andrews’ Mad World - http://www.findshawn.com/memorial/MichaelAndrews-MadWorldBonusTrack.mp3

Deep Blue Something’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s - http://www.rainmakerartists.com/audio/DeepBlueSomething-BreakfastAtTiffanys.mp3

Currently Listening to The Sounds:
http://mp.aol.com/audio.index.adp?pmmsid=1474995&referer=http%
Currently Reading nothing…
Currently Doing nothing…
Currently Feeling nothing…

This is nothing…

Fifi brought up “Before Sunset” while we were chatting this afternoon. For most people, they find the movie boring as throughout the film all you could see is two people (julie delpy and ethan hawke) talking while walking with the scenic French cityscapes and River Seine as backdrop. For me, it’s one of the best movies Ive seen next to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Closer.

I saw this one in October 2004 with Rosary, Jen, Ng Rhea, and Sis at G4. Rosary even got mad at me because I promised I’ll be at G4 by 1030pm but made her wait because I couldn’t leave the office yet. i even missed the first ten minutes of the movie… but that didnt ruin the movie for me. Anyway, here’s a few quotable quotes from Before Sunset. All of the quotes below were delivered by Celine, played by Delpy.

I guess it’s less painful to put certain things away than to live with it!

Memories are wonderful things, if you don’t have to deal with the past.

I guess a memory is never finished. So long as you’re alive…

I see in them little details, so specific to each other, that move me, and that I miss, and… will always miss. You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details.

source: http://www.script-o-rama.com/movie_scripts/b/before-sunset-script-transcript.html

ps: i know we’re just like old friends
We just can’t pretend - perfect, smashing pumpkins

I stumbled on a Peyups article on fate and destiny. Fate Rubs It In - http://peyups.com/article.khtml?sid=4198. The writer has vowed to let God write her fate and destiny and rely in serendipity. Anyway, the article drew mixed reactions. One of the readers commented:

Blame it to Fate by artemis33
Monday, March 20, 2006 @ 09:03:02 AM

But hey, it doesn’t have to be a dichotomy right? Let love be in a continuum. Hehehe. ^_^

That article also fueled me to reflect on fate and destiny. I admit I am quite fatalistic when it comes to certain things. I am fascinated with fate and destiny. Ive always wanted to understand fate and destiny and its role in our lives.

Yes, i do believe that we make our own fate and destiny and agree with artemis33 who left the comment above. But sometimes, i wonder that there are certain things in your life that you can’t control… It’s as if some force takes over your life that no matter how much you want to head toward right, the wind takes you to the left because you are meant to take that path and not the other one that you badly wanted. Even if say, you did take the right, you’ll still find yourself ending up in the other path.

During my early college years, I read this quote from Dean Koontz’s “Lightning” (one of my favorite books) - Destiny reasserts the pattern that is meant to be. That quote pretty much summarizes what I have just illustrated.

I guess, the best thing is just do your best and part… before leaving everything to fate and destiny. At least, if you failed to get what you really wanted, you can always say, “I did my best.”

I just dont like the fact that I can’t really act the way I want to be. I am not entirely honest with myself.

As much as I dont want to walk the same path… well, it seems like I am still treading the same road. Because I am such a chicken shit. I am not brave… I am never courageous enough to face the real thing. So I retreat and still choose the same path because I am familiar with it. Because I guess that familiarity won’t hurt much compared to what is new.

I have to muster all my courage and get myself together to charge into this… to clear this mess up. I cant be like this forever.

So the best thing I could do is overcome my being scaredy-cat and my paranoia… Well, I am scaring myself too for being too paranoid.

I just need to get myself together first so I can really spit all of it out. So that I may learn to live in the moment and not what is not there yet.

Our last night in El Nido was quite emotional… not because we would leave the place soon.

There are times in your life that you allow the emotional tide to swallow you alive, leaving you quite disoriented. The night before, rosary and i talked about someone important in her life. Ive seen how rosary and jen fall in love. They can be the most unselfish people when it comes to their significant others. To them, when you love a person, you show them how much you love them… you take the risks. I feel I am not as brave as them.

I give so much regard for self-preservation… I hate it when I feel hurt just because of someone. I get so defensive. It has its advantages, but as what Ive told rosary, I have to live with regrets.

Anyway, I am thrown off balance again. I hope i could really draw the line this time.

addict sa friendster… inuna pa talaga to. I dont know where to start. There are a lot of stories to tell. I am sure rosary would second the motion. And my superburnt skin would tell how much I soaked in the sun. Ako ang pinakanegra sa aming apat.

Palawan is a treasure. It has a lot to offer. Madami nga kaming di napuntahan within the city mismo. Isa na doon ang butterfly garden, ang crocodile farm, at ang vietville. Kulang talaga sa time.

Sana makabalik…