Just plugging our little project (na actually kunwaring blog ni eight, na idea talaga ni boss Sherwin). If you have a lot of time to kill or are simply bored, visit Babol Pish - http://babolpish.blogspot.com/ (dali iclick mo na yang URL address).
Current LSS is The Strokes’ You Only Live Once. It keeps on playing inside my head.
Anyway, I am trying to clear my head so I can think clearly (this sentence sounds redundant, oh well)… and so, I decided to pay a visit to the Greenbelt Chapel on my way home. Buti na lng… because listening to the priest’s homily made me feel light and thankful. Totoo naman kasi… God always listens to your prayers.
Once in a while, you get to experience "idiotic" days and today was one of my idiot moments. (Yey, a funny entry after a lot of bittersweet ones)
Deciding where to eat lunch is a common problem during lunch breaks… and today that was our dilemma. My immediate head suggested that either we eat at Tang City or Tapa King, so he was asking everyone to choose between the two. Finally, he turned to me and asked me if Tapa King would be fine with me. And my reply was … Tadah - "May tapa po ba dun?" Wah, di ako nag-iisip… Sympre, maraming tapa dun no… Tapa King nga eh. Parang tinanong ko na rin may goto ba sa Goto King or Hamburger sa Burger Machine. I just laughed (along with one of my co-workers) after realizing that I just asked my head one of the most stupid questions a person could ask.
There are a lot of things and thoughts that have been running inside my head… but the most prominent one is all about my current state. I have been writing about my "lost" status for countless times already that it’s annoying me and whoever already. It makes me think that I am just some individual who can’t seem get pass the lost state. It’s kind of a non-issue already kasi lagi naman ganun eh. I thought of that after catching the last episodes of Grey’s Anatomy season 2 and a dose of conversation with Fifi last night… and then after reading Ala Paredes’ blog entries (na di ko na nagagawa for almost a year) and oo nga pala, after a brief interrogation by my former co-workers. Significantly, after the interrogation… that I am triggered to reflect and think of my disturbing current state.
Eto ang nangyari (as if kelangan ko ikwento detail by detail no):
CW1: Sama ka sa outing ha.
Me: Umm, di po ako pwede eh.
CW1: Bakit? May summer classes ka?
Me: Umm, actually, lumipat po kasi ako ng work.
CW2: Teaching pa rin?
Me: Umm, hindi po. Technical writing po.
CW2: Akala ko gusto mo magteach?
Me: Ahh, kasi po di ako happy. May kulang po kasi.
Saan na nga ba ako… anyway, most people think that I left teaching because the pay is way too low (which is the reality…) and some people think that I left teaching because I fell in love with one of my students (which is super hilarious… and I also find this quite offensive… but iniisip ko na lng pag ito ang sinasabi nila na rason ko, nagbibiro lng sya siguro… masama nga lng na biro ‘to). The truth is the main reason that I decided to stop teaching for a while is I am really not happy because I feel that there’s something big missing in my life. I always believe that you have to be "complete" to devote your life in teaching. And sad to say, I feel that I am still incomplete. There’s something out there that I need to explore and find out.
And so I made a decision, I need to complete myself before going back to teaching. I want to regain my sense of self and direction. My students don’t need a "lost" teacher.
One of my former classmates wrote me weeks ago after reading one of my entries here. He asked me, "what is it that made you choose to take up journalism?" (hindi ‘to ang exact question nya, pero it has the same thought) Bakit nga ba? Di ko nasagot ung tanong ng classmate ko… kasi parang di ko rin alam isasagot ko nun. Ang funny 6 years after graduating from college and obtaining my Journalism degree di ko alam sagot sa simpleng tanong na un. Dapat alam ko… kasi alam ko na since 8 years old pa ako, Journalism na gusto ko. Ganun ako kasigurado sa gusto ko and at 26 na ako, biglang di ko na alam sagot ko which is funny. Bakit ba ako ng Journalism at bakit ba ako kumuha ng teaching units four years after graduating from college?
Alam ko na sagot ko, ngaun ko lng natanto - Journalism and Teaching kasi gusto ko lng talaga to make a difference at makatulong. Kung journalist ka o teacher ka man, malaki ang maibabahagi mo… Kaya un, di na ako masyadong lost… medyo bumabalik na ang sense of self and direction ko.
At oo, babalik ako sa pagtuturo in the future. Hindi sa malapit na future basta darating ako dun. Sa ngayon, I am fulfilling my destiny.
Yun… ang gaan na ng pakiramdam ko. naexpress ko na ang dapat ko isulat.
I just heard this Bloc Party song entitled Uniform and I was hit by its lyrics.
I’m a believer, I just need a motive
I’m a believer, I just need a cause
We’re finding it hard to be alone
We’re finding it hard to break the mould
We’re finding it hard to excite myself
We have nothing at all to say
At this point, I feel I have no cause… just a motive. I see motive as something as a tangible need while cause means fulfillment (that’s the way I see it).
Basta… ganun
Next time, I promise we’ll be perfect. - Perfect, Smashing Pumpkins (mali pala ung sinulat ko before… pero in this case, i’d like to tweak the lyrics to make it will and not we’ll para magmake sense ang sinulat ko na entry)
When the tough gets going, I just think of that line from Smashing Pumpkin’s song. Hmm, nawala na naman train of thoughts ko. Wah, ano ba yan… pag nasa biyahe ako, ang dami kong naiisip… ngaun wala na.
The movie 300 should have changed its tagline from "Prepare for Glory" to "Prepare for Gory (battle scenes, that is)." All people seemed to have only noticed the six-pack abs of the Spartan soldiers and the cool film editing in the movie. Well, I also have to commend the awesome music editing… Ang galing ng background music sa mga fight scenes.
It’s back to square one (not entirely though) for me. Ano pa ba? Wala na…
