backwards

Rainy days are here again. Sad. I hate rainy days… because you can’t go out… because it’s cold… because you need to bring an umbrella and a jacket everyday… because traffic is worse. Rainy days also make me feel sad. I hope the rainy season will be shorter this way.

My favorite "listens" these days:
1) Modest Mouse
2) Keane
3) A Perfect Circle
4) The Strokes

Tilling my own grave to keep me level Jam another dragon down the hole Digging to the rhythm and the echo of a solitary siren One that pushes me along and leaves me so 

Desperate and Ravenous I'm so weak and powerless over you - Weak and Powerless, APC 

4) Itchyworms (natawa ako sa Stalker Song nila. :D)

My destiny is out there. My destiny is to fly with the wind and to see new places. It is to walk on roads, to breathe in the seas, to feel the breeze, to write, to say, and to laugh.

Today, I went to the school where I taught last school year to get something (which I still haven’t retrieved since the person I need to see was not in yet). While there, I bumped into some of my former students and colleagues. I don’t know I feel I am happier seeing my former students now that I am not part of the teaching staff. I feel like I can really be myself now that I am no longer their teacher.

Well, generally, I am happier and so at peace these days. True, there may be some some bumps and rough roads along the way but I
manage to come out of it without any bruises and with a smile pasted on
my face. Also, I have been trying to strip myself of anger and frustration over something. I have come to realize I shouldn’t stay mad over something. So, I think I am making progress in this area.

Anyway, I have finally found out who sang the song I have been looking for - Is This The Best I Gets by Budapest. Thanks to Bel, my co-worker.

My current hopes right now are to be able to go somewhere (if possible a beach) before the typhoon season starts and to really get down and start writing. I miss writing… writing whatevers. Lately, I can’t get myself to write.

I dream about stars hereI dream about bringing you a paradewe read foreign paperspretend we're hiding from an air raid

but I can't know, why I always - Stutterand she doesn't carebreathe the same airI don't have a hope in helldoesn't seewe could agreethis could be so blissful now- Stutter, Andy Stochansky

The weekend was mostly spent with friends, reminiscing on the past and looking forward to the future.

With Fides and Rizzalyn, I  get to look back on the days we had spent together at NLP. We all miss the afternoon breaks, which included trips to ministop and legazpi park, that we had. And then while walking Rizzalyn towards Paseo, we  found ourselves musing on what we want to be in the next five years. Right now, I hate planning or mapping out my life. But the truth is I still plan even if I wish beautiful and grand things will just happen spontaneously.

The next day, Jen called and informed me that baby Kira’s christening is set on Sunday, tomorrow. That was some surprise announcement. It’s a good thing I’ve bought something for Kira days, days ago. Originally, that one was not intended to be a christening gift. So Sunday was a day of reunion with Jen, Rosary, and Isha. If only bbro and ng rhea were there, the group would have been complete. Now the three bride’s maids have officially become godmothers to Kira.

Afterwards, sis, who played his photographer role again during Kira’s christening, and I headed to Makati for a dinner get-together with other long-time Ilonggo chatters. It was the dinner treat of MM, who flew back to the U.S. today. So the weekend was capped with stories about the old online days… I used to frequent Ilonggo chatrooms but not anymore.

Also over the weekend, I have started watching One Tree Hill DVDs lent by a co-worker. The two main male characters - the Scott boys - remind me of someone. It must have been difficult for that someone to live a life that is sort of like Lucas Scott. Anyway, I like the music used in OTH.

Speaking of music, too much reminiscing brings a bittersweet feeling. And so, it is no wonder that I am listening to these songs:
1) Dishwalla’s When Morning Comes (wah, Dishwalla songs have a way of moving me)
2) Howie Day’s She Says
3) Keane’s Somewhere Only We Know
4) Snow Patrol’s Chocolate and Run
5) U2’s Stuck in a Moment

feel the burn
feel the demons come to mix
fill the street with madness - don’t
lay your hands and lesions over me
fall instead where midnight dies and
morning comes
feel it here the silence

there’s so much life here
and so much pain - we forget
there’s so much life
as morning comes
and its real - the silence
- When Morning Comes, Dishwalla

Instructions: Each player starts with 7
random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to
write on their own blog about their seven things, as well as these
rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose 7 people to get
tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment
telling them that they have been tagged and to read your blog!

1. I don’t eat apples or carrots unless they are turned into pies or cakes, respectively.
2. I love traveling and making travel itineraries and budget estimates.
3. I love chocolates as long as they don’t have nuts.
4. I fell off the escalator at Amigo Plaza in Iloilo City when I was 8 years old and only got over escalator phobia seven years after the accident.
5. I am afraid of dogs but I find them cute to look at.
6. I hate Math and I can’t even memorize the multiplication table.
7. I am a sentimental person.

tagging: anyone who has the time to write their own random facts

So on Monday, people will be rushing to poll stations to exercise their right to choose - hopefully, right to choose the best and capable people to lead our country. Sad to say, I haven’t exercised that special right. Nakakahiya nga talaga ako kasi di pa ako nakapagboto, not once. Wait, I guess voting in an SK election would still count. Okay, I haven’t taken part in any major and crucial elections in my whole life.

Anyway, if I had registered to vote, I would likely write down the following names on the ballot — Pangilinan and Joker Arroyo. Why them? I just see Pangilinan and Arroyo as people who are not easily swayed and can stand by their principles. While some people criticized Pangilinan for going Independent, I lauded him for such a move. Why affiliate yourself with the camp you once criticize and fought against? Joker Arroyo, well… It was because he stayed with the party he belonged to and not jump to another one like most politicians do. In other words, hindi sya balimbing.

How about Chiz Escudero? I have to admit he looks promising… and would likely end up on my ballot if I were to vote. But I have to look at his platform.

I just hope that only those who have the heart to really serve and have a cause will win… I hope people won’t vote for candidates who have bad motives - like ousting the president (i don’t like our current president but I am tired of the ousting and impeachment stuffs already) or lengthening the president’s term.

If you are full of pain, you don’t have to let the whole world know that you are drowning in pain. You don’t have to wear that I-am-hurting-so-much face 24/7. Because people may sympathize and share your pain, but that will be only for a moment. Sooner or later, those people will be busy with their own lives… they will forget your hurts.
Shout out your pains and hurts once or twice… and then force yourself to move on. It’s not easy but it’s the only way to keep yourself together.

Anyway, last night, I was able to watch Grey’s Anatomy on Studio 23 again. Wah, I wish Dr. Derek Shepard will stop pursuing Meredith. I don’t like Meredith anymore. I don’t know but somehow I feel sad for Addison, the former wife of Derek. Although she is also to be blamed for losing his husband.

It’s nice that I finally got to talk to my brother about something that has been bothering me. At least I can really tell him, right in his face, how I feel about what he is facing right now. Sigh, there’s no easy way to break somebody’s heart.

Anyway, I am quite excited about something. Sana… it’s all go for June na yun. Because I really, really love a good change.